“As traumatised children, we always dreamed that someone would come save us. We never dreamed that it would, in fact, be ourselves as adults.”  Alice Little.

We’re all born innocent, curious, and in need of love and care.

We’re also born with a temperament; our innate traits. Temperament is unconscious and instinctual and doesn’t depend on our experiences. Sigmund Freud the neurologist and founder of psychoanalysis referred to it as our ID.

As we grow and become more aware of ourselves and our surroundings our character expands and our ID evolves into our persona. A person’s persona is how they present themselves to the world, it’s shaped by our circumstances and our experiences. At some stage in our lives, we will have felt and experienced pain, disappointment, sadness, guilt, and frustration to varying degrees. It may have been the shortcomings of a parent or caregiver or a failure of the society you grew up in.

I’ve written on The Shadow, the unconscious, hidden aspects of our character. If you have yet to read that journal or are at all unclear maybe take a few moments to refresh your memory as inner child and shadow work go hand in hand. Inner child is an aspect of shadow work, it’s the concept that within us all there is still a child self who is stunted in time. When a distressing or traumatic experience takes place in a person’s childhood an imprint is made on their psyche which won’t heal unless addressed and processed.

These imprints can be emotional, mental, or physical hurt. Distress and trauma take different forms, here are some examples:

• Emotionally unavailable parents or caregivers. Either physically not present (abandonment) or consciously withheld love and affection.
• Violence, including sexual
• Punishment, such as smacking or withholding and breaking toys
• Basic human needs not being met, a safe environment, regular nourishment, warmth, and clothing.
• Overburdening a child before they are emotionally mature, expecting them to act as caregivers or witness to acrimonious relationships.
• An impactful life event like a death or a traumatic accident

Sadly, there are of course other ways to inflict trauma on a young person. Scan below and see which character attributes you mostly identify with:

WOUNDED INNER CHILD	HEALTHY INNER CHILD
Big reactions and outbursts	Measured and balanced
Commitment issues	Self-reliant
Poor self-esteem	Self-assured
Needy and clingy	Independent
Immature	Mature
Guarded and untrusting	Emotionally open and receptive
Unable to set boundaries	Clear on boundaries and able to communicate needs

If you identify with any of the above wounded inner child character traits it’s important to note it’s within your capacity to heal. The process is sometimes referred to as ‘re-parenting’.

Re-parenting work has been known to heal deeply rooted relationship issues and long-held negative beliefs around guilt and shame. It can help you identify healthy boundaries and give you the courage to communicate them. The work can also give you the confidence and conviction to ask for what you want and need in life. Inner child work can also open you up to living a more playful, lighter, and creative existence. And perhaps most importantly, it can improve the relationship you have with yourself.

 

Where to look for your inner child within your charts

1. If you’re interested firstly in finding out more about your persona (ID) look to your AC in your natal chart, the first house within your chart. The AC is how we make first impressions on people this includes our personality and our physicality. The sign, its ruling planet, aspects to the ruling planet and any planets that reside in the 1^st house and aspects to them will complete the picture for you.
2. To understand your inner child better look to your moon, the moon represents our needs and emotions, The moon also represents the mother (caregiver) in the chart and your early years. The moon also contains the shadow aspects of ourselves, things we may find hard to confront which inner child work often is. The sign, element, house and aspects will all give you clues on the condition of your moon and your attachment and nurturing needs.
3. I would also suggest you take a look at Cancer within your chart, the Moon rules the sign of Cancer. If Cancer contains any of the malefic’s (Mars or Saturn) and/or if they are in hard aspect (conjunct, square or opposition) to your moon this would indicate some emotional challenges.
4. The fourth house in the chart represents family, home and the mother. Cancer rules the fourth house and therefore the moon is associated here too. Look to the sign and if any planets reside here for more clues.
5. If in your chart your moon and sun are in opposition or squaring one another this can be an indication of power struggles between your parents/ caregivers, the moon representing the mother and the sun is the chart in the father.
6. If Saturn conjuncts (meaning it’s within 10 degrees apart) your Sun or AC this is usually an indication you were tough on yourself when you were younger, you doubted yourself and felt the world was on your shoulders. I can contest this, Saturn is 7 degrees from my sun and I have always felt its influence.
7. If Saturn squares your sun (90 degrees away plus or minus an 8-degree orb) your childhood could have been a struggle, again doubt and insecurity. The upside to this aspect is Saturn was pushing and refining you in your earlier years to be the impressive, self-aware adult you no doubt are today.

 

Other tools and techniques to support inner child healing

• Meditation – guided meditations are one of the most helpful ways to regress to crucial moments in your past. I undertook this technique and was surprised by how easily I recalled scenarios I’d completely forgotten nor realised what an imprint they’d made on my character. I used a structured workshop of guided meditations and journaling called Unblock Inner Child from the website To Be Magnetic .

However, if silence works better for you find a peaceful place where you won’t be interrupted. Breathe deeply (I like the box breath sequence, count in for four on the inhale, hold for four, release for four then hold again for four, repeat.) Have prompts ready to encourage your inner child to answer back (in your mind) – How do you feel? What’s upsetting you? When did you first feel like this? What is it you need?

Be compassionate and kind to your younger self, validate your memories and tell yourself  I’m here. I won’t leave you. I love you. Register everything that comes up and note it down for further reflection and understanding.

• Journaling – I found journaling extremely helpful, once you’ve accessed the memory words flow and it’s surprising how much your mind wants to remember and help you. You can use the above prompts to start the writing process or maybe there’s a situation or emotion which keeps repeating in your life. Question why that is and start there.
• Write a letter to your younger self – let your adult self, love, and care for the younger you. Some kind self-nurturing phrases to include You are perfect exactly as you are. You’re safe. I’m here to protect you. Thank you. I love you.
• Mirror reflections – find a quiet moment, you don’t want to rush the process or be interrupted. Sit in front of a mirror and get comfortable. Hold your gaze, this is not an exercise in critiquing your reflection, you’re here to intentionally look deep into your eyes. Keep the gaze soft, keep looking, breathe deeply and relax. After some time, you’ll be surprised by what you start to see and feel, your true self can’t stay hidden indefinitely. Stay open-minded to the thoughts and emotions that surface. Note down for further reflection and understanding. This technique isn’t specific to inner child work either, repeat the exercise whenever you feel conflicted or confused. By looking yourself in the eye you’re literally facing what’s really going on.
• Look at old photographs and videos – memories and emotions will resurface which helps the process of remembering and analysing.
• Professional inner child support – you may find the prospect of self-healing too daunting but don’t worry you don’t have to do the work alone, some professionals specialise in this type of therapy.

 

Final thought…

In the writing of this piece, I returned to the processes and notes I made several years ago when I was doing inner child healing. I made the mistake of believing once I’d identified my child’s wounds I was healed, by calling out my vulnerabilities I’d cured myself. How wrong I was.

By revisiting old, long-held beliefs about myself I was forced to re-confront and sit with the aspects of my persona I like the least. The writing of this piece has taught me a valuable lesson, I am who I am in part due to those beliefs, they are still a part of me. They haven’t gone anywhere what happens instead is we acknowledge, evolve and learn to live and accept all parts of ourselves.